Tuesday, December 31, 2013

A Year with MS

When I was first diagnosed the collective "they" said that the first year is the hardest but then it will relax and things will become easier. 

I dont know why I expected this to be the case for me, when really my life with MS has done anything but follow the common course. 

This second year has been awful.  2013 was just a really hard year.  It definitely had its highlights (hello my little sister got married...big highlight) but in summary I believe I spent more time being "sick" than I have all the other years of my life combined. 

Hospitals, drugs, doctors, blood, procedures, wheel chairs, bed.  Just a full on circle of a terrible nightmare.  Anything that could go wrong, did.  To the point where the littlest good thing brought the biggest joy.  There is that silver lining.

I know, I look great, I sound great, I must feel great right?  Error.  Something went wrong because I feel worse now than I have so far.  But thanks for the compliments.  (:

When I first started this blog, it was for two reasons:
1. To communicate to the masses my health updates.
2. Therapeutic.

As I look to renew my life and resolutions in 2014, I think strongly about these two reasons and if they still "fit".  

While the google statistics show the high support for TSL, I feel every post is the same: 
I'm getting worse, we dont know why, hope, hope hope. Love, Eliz.

I know what people want to hear:  I'm getting better or at least staying the same.  And I feel like such a debbie downer when I have to find the words to express that I'm not.  

It's no longer therapeutic for me to write.  For one, it's physically straining, as my right hand has gone "dead".  I also only get about 2-3 good hours a day.  My heart just isnt in to spending 30 minutes posting a "I'm still sick post" in those good hours. 

All this comes to the conclusion: Im giving up blogging in 2014.  

I will miss it, some.  I'll miss the support I received, the people I met.  Its been beautiful and I will be forever grateful.

In the spirit of MS awareness, I'll still be flying that flag but through pictures instead of words.  I've decided to take a picture a day for the year 2014, with the hashtag #ayearwithMS.  I'll be sharing these photos on instagram and you'll be able to find them here: http://instagram.com/thesparkledlife#.  

2013 beat me up.  My heart, body and soul ache with emotional, mental and physical pain.  

I can only hope that 2014 will bring better days and healing powers. 

With love and the happiest of joys in the new year,