Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Insomnia vs. Fatigue

I used to be the perfect sleeper. 

I used to have a perfect sleep schedule, I slept through nights perfectly like a rock, and woke up in the mornings prepared for the day.

I used to.

With multiple sclerosis, there is no such thing as perfect sleep.  There is however fatigue and insomnia.

Which baffles my mind that these two go hand in hand; because if your body is so overly tired, wouldnt it be so excited to hit the pillow at night time?

Some nights most definitely.  Some others, not so much.

Insomnia isnt just not being able to fall asleep.  It's literally like your head and body become super heros and want to save the world; they just keep running and running and running.  And then you get stressed because you know you need sleep which only hinders the sleep route. 

It's a bitch I tell ya.

So as you can see by this 5am time stamp, I have yet to have fallen asleep.  Im sure this will be just lovely tomorrow as I struggle to my next plasma exchange. 

There are ways to battle insomnia: melatonin, yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, thinking about boring things.  But sometimes, the battle just cant be won. 

My insomnia nights are usually the nights where I come up with my great big ideas.  Of how I'm going to create MS awareness till we #findacurealready, on fashion designs, on book and blog posts.  I jot it down in an effort to make it my next day's achievements.  

And then I wake up fatigued as all get out and dont accomplish a thing.

In a round about way, this is the cycle of life.  It has also been a theme of many recent conversations I have had.

That being, we set out with these great ideas and accomplishments, pumped and ready for the day to start. 

And then when it does, we get knocked down, hindered, and those dreams become so far out of reach.

But the great thing about dreams is that they (usually) dont have a time table.  So you were plagued with insomnia and then fatigue ruined life.  For a day or two.  That's the key.

Stick with it.  Keep those dreams on paper.  Because one day you will get a normal night's sleep and wake up ready to achieve the thought that was once deemed impossible.

So did any of that make sense? *sigh* It does for now. (:

Much love to you sparklers,