Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Kind of Rockstar Status

From the pictures, it kind of looks like I've been living like a rockstar lately. 

Country Concerts, Wine Tours, Traveling, Backstreet Boys, Weddings, Graduations, Parties.  

I mean, it looks like I'm perfectly normal. 

(PS: Connor graduated!)

In pictures.

(PS: this is my good friend Whitney who got married this past weekend...wasnt she just a gorgeous bride? Love you!!)

Behind the lens is a different story. 

Sure, I am doing "well" by the standards of the past few years.  

But more than "healing" I think it's me learning more and more each day how to live with MS.  How to walk with no feeling in my legs.  How to hold a fork when I have no concept of strength in my right hand.  How to be mostly one handed.  How to see. How to balance when my gait wants to honestly make me look like I'm having a constant dance party.  How to manage my parkinson symptoms, my fatigue, my brain.  The list goes on and on.  

The girl behind the lens is still sick.  And it's really hard for me to look so good because I feel like people are forgetting Im sick. 

I dont need/want sympathy.  I really just want a hug or people not to forget that I'm fighting a monster inside of me. 

A lot of times we dont want to deal with things, hard things.  I've lost friends and relationships over this simple fact, that often times dealing with the stumbles in life is just too hard and it's easier to forget the problem (or the person).  

And it's good to focus on the positive, to focus on all the fabulous things I am able to do.  Of how far I've come.  Of the opportunities I have in the future. 

But we cant forget about the MS.  Because it is not forgetting about me.  It's still eating away at my body.  It's not stopping.  I have not found a drug that can help manage.  Every day is a constant reminder of my limitations.  Each morning I wake up praying not to have lost yet another thing.

There is hope in a positive and cure free future.  But it wont happen if we forget what we're hoping for. 

Ok now you must excuse me, I have an awesome party I must attend.  And by party I mean it's nap time. (:

Love, Eliz